


Together

by otomekaidii



Series: Cuddles for Mammon [9]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bathing/Washing, Comfort, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Gender-neutral Reader, Heavy Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I really cannot emphasize this enough, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kissing, M/M, Mild Language, Naked Cuddling, Neck Kissing, Other, Post Lesson 20, Reader-Insert, References to Depression, Reunions, Suicidal Thoughts, There’s a single f-bomb, Very Heavy Angst, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:01:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27754246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otomekaidii/pseuds/otomekaidii
Summary: Your year in the Devildom has come to an end, and now you are struggling to adjust back to life in the human realm. Meanwhile, Mammon is also struggling to adjust to your absence.**Updated to include Mammon’s PoV*****PLEASE READ THE TAGS***
Relationships: Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader
Series: Cuddles for Mammon [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020583
Comments: 38
Kudos: 168





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really want to emphasize this again because I want to make sure this isn’t missed. This is a very heavy story. It could be extremely triggering to some people, so please proceed with caution.

It had been 3 months since you had returned to the human realm and left the Devildom. And things had been...rough.

In the course of one year, everything had changed for you. You had found love. Found a family. A place to call home. 

And even though you would have given anything not to, you still had to go back where you had come from. You had pleaded with Diavolo to allow you to stay, but he insisted that you needed to return, at least for the time being. The whole point of the exchange program after all was to encourage harmony between realms, and that can’t exactly be accomplished if you never return. 

To say you missed everyone would have been an understatement. It was harder than you could have imagined to leave behind the one place you finally felt like you belonged. And there was one demon in particular that you were having the hardest time adjusting to being away from - Mammon. 

He had been your constant companion during your stay. And even though you both butted heads at first, you grew to love one another and quickly became inseparable. Everything you did, you did together - and that included any number of schemes Mammon tried to carry out. Chaos followed you wherever you went, but so did laughter and joy. It didn’t matter if you both got caught, that time together was priceless to you.

But now you were home, and you had never felt more alone. Depression wasn’t new to you however, so you were prepared for how to care for yourself and make do. You just hoped that you didn’t have to limp along for very long.

Texting Mammon was probably the only thing that kept you afloat most days. And today was no exception. You knew he had been having a rough time too, but he was still your rock and never failed to make you smile. 

While you were laying in bed, mindlessly scrolling through social media, looking for memes to send to your favorite demon, your DDD chimed. Checking the notification you realized it was none other than Mammon.   
  


>>Mammon - I love you  
>>You - I love you too 😘  
>>You - what have you been doing today?  
>>Mammon - I dunno. Just hanging out in my room I guess.  
>>Mammon - I miss you  
>>You - I miss you too ❤️❤️❤️  
>>You - why don’t you see what Asmo is doing? Maybe you could go to The Fall?  
>>Mammon - nah. Don’t really feel like it.   
>>Mammon - what about you?  
>>You - same old, same old lol  
>>You - just looking for memes 🙃  
>>Mammon - Any good ones?  
>>You - not yet lol  
>>Mammon - I really miss you :(  
>>You - I know. Me too.  
>>Mammon - everything is so boring with you gone.  
>>Mammon - nothing is as fun without you.   
>>You - I know what you mean. I wish you could be here.  
>>Mammon - that would be nice. I’d never leave.   
>>You - good. I wouldn’t want you to. 😘  
>>You - so...about last night…  
>>Mammon - yeah?  
>>You - you were actually upset that I didn’t call, weren’t you?  
>>Mammon - ….

>>

>>

>>You - Levi told me. He said he heard you sniffling when he got up to get some snacks.  
>>Mammon - oh  
>>You - why didn’t you say anything?   
>>Mammon - I didn’t wanna manipulate you.  
>>You - manipulate me? Lol Mammon it’s just a phone call  
>>Mammon - yeah but you said you were tired  
>>You - I would have called if I knew you were that upset.  
>>Mammon - I just didn’t want ya to feel pressured.  
>>You - it’s fine. It’s a phone call. Not like you’re asking for nudes. 😜  
>>You - will you promise to tell me in the future? If you really need to talk? Let me decide if it’s too much for me to handle, ok?  
>>Mammon - ok

You couldn’t put your finger on it, but something felt...off...about this conversation. As wonderful as Mammon was to you, he was still the Avatar of Greed - so holding himself back wasn’t something he usually did. Especially not for something as trivial as a phone call. Why was he suddenly acting like a phone call would be such a burden to you?

>>You - I can’t physically cuddle with you, so at least let me be there for you over the phone. ❤️  
>>Mammon - I love you   
>>You - I love you too babe 😘  
>>You - you believe me don’t you?  
>>Mammon - lol yeah  
>>You - good.  
>>You - you better not forget it.  
>>Mammon - it’s just hard sometimes  
>>You - what is?  
>>Mammon - being away from you.  
>>Mammon - didn’t realize it was gonna be this hard  
>>You - yeah  
>>You - you ok?  
>>Mammon - I dunno. Just tired.   
>>You - 😘   
>>You - you’re supposed to be coming for a visit soon, right?  
>>Mammon - yeah Lucifer said we’d take a trip, dunno when tho  
>>You - well I can’t wait to see you again.  
>>Mammon - me too.  
>>Mammon - I’m just so sick of all this.  
>>Mammon - I miss ya too much.  
>>Mammon - everything else is just...idk  
>>Mammon - I just want to hide in my room honestly and not have to deal with everyone else

The longer you talked with Mammon, the more sure you became that something was wrong. You wanted to ask him, but you weren’t even sure what to ask. It was like...everything he said echoed perfectly how you had been feeling. Withdrawn, lonely, isolated. 

You were a very empathetic person by nature, but this just felt too real, too close to home. You weren’t even needing to imagine yourself in his position, because it was the very same position you were in.

As that thought occurred to you, a chill went down your spine. 

_It couldn’t be? Could it? He’s never said anything like that before. But…_

You picked up your DDD again and scrolled back through your messages. You considered texting him and just asking him directly, but you didn’t want to put ideas into his head that weren’t already there. On the other hand, you’d never forgive yourself if something truly was wrong and you ignored this sinking feeling in your gut. So you decided the only thing for you to do was to say something. 

>>You - sorry if this sounds weird or dramatic  
>>You - it’s just hard to tell since I can’t see you right now  
>>You - and I’d rather be safe than sorry  
>>You - can you promise me something?  
>>Mammon - what?

Your hands were shaking now, and you could feel your heart beating rapidly in your chest. _Please, please let me be wrong_ , you thought.

>>You - if you feel suicidal, will you please get help?   
>>You - go to someone. Anyone. Levi would probably be good. He’s always there you know?  
>>You - I just have this feeling  
>>You - and I can’t shake it  
>>You - so will you promise me?

You saw the little indicator pop up letting you know Mammon was typing. But then it would stop. Only to return a few moments later. Your anxiety had become overwhelming by this point and you crawled out of bed and started pacing around the room, checking your DDD every 5 seconds to see if he had sent a message through yet.

The longer it took for him to reply, the tighter you felt your chest get, and the more your heart rate accelerated. You were in full “fight or flight” mode now, and the “fight” was making your thoughts race as you tried to figure out what to do next. Should you call Lucifer? One of his brothers? You just needed someone to check on him. 

>>Mammon - I ummm  
>>Mammon - I don’t know if I can promise that  
>>Mammon - just the thought of it makes me feel sick  
>>Mammon - and like Lucifer would take me seriously   
>>Mammon - ha

By now, the only sound you could hear was the pounding of your own heartbeat in your ears. You were hardly aware of your own surroundings anymore, and there was only one thought on your mind. 

_I have to get to Mammon._

How could you do that though? Getting permission from Diavolo or Lucifer would take awhile. And how would you even explain that anyways without violating Mammon’s trust? Maybe Solomon could help? You had no idea how long it would take him to get back to you, but it was worth a shot. You knew he’d be the least likely to ask questions too. All you needed now was to buy yourself some time.

RING RING RING 

“Mammon?”

“Hey.”

“Hey babe. How are you feeling?”

“I dunno. Just tired.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s been hard for me to get out of bed some days.”

“You too huh?”

You knew he had been feeling bad, but you were not prepared for just how...lifeless...his voice sounded right now over the phone. Suddenly you heard a DING and realized Solomon had gotten back to you, so you switched your call to speakerphone so you could continue talking to Mammon.

“I love you.”

“I love ya too.”

“I wish I could see you right now. I could use a hug.”

“Me too.”

>>Solomon - I haven’t heard from you in awhile.  
>>Solomon - Is everything ok?  
>>You - yeah, I was just wondering if it was possible to go visit Mammon.  
>>Solomon - you mean with a spell?  
>>You - yeah. I just miss him you know? And I’d like to surprise him.

“You know I’d miss you a lot if you were ever gone, right?”

“....yeah.”

“It’s true. I can’t wait to see you again.”

>>Solomon - Well, theoretically yes it is possible.  
>>You - but?  
>>Solomon - but doing so would take an immense amount of power. Something you don’t have.  
>>You - oh. Right. Duh.  
>>Solomon - what about summoning him?  
>>Solomon - that’s much easier to do.

“Me too. I just want to hold ya and kiss ya. I miss that.”

“I know. I want to snuggle with you too.”

“Yeah…”

“Maybe we could go somewhere you know? Just the two of us.”

>>You - how do I do that?  
>>Solomon - Do you remember the spell I taught you to summon Asmodeus?  
>>You - yeah  
>>Solomon - it’s the same one. Just summon Mammon instead.  
>>You - and that will work between realms?  
>>Solomon - it should.  
>>Solomon - since you have such a strong connection to him it will make it easier. 

“I dunno know if Lucifer would allow that.”

“I bet he would if I asked.”

“Ha, maybe. He does seem soft on ya.”

“Of course he is. I’m just so sweet and innocent you know. Hard not to be charmed by me.”

“Riiiight. Not sure I’d call ya innocent. Sweet maybe.”

“Hey babe, I need to go for a bit so I can go to the bathroom. But I’ll call you right back ok?” 

“Ok.”

“I love you!”

“I love you too.”

If Solomon was correct, even with your limited magical abilities, you shouldn’t have any trouble at all calling Mammon to you. You hadn’t tried to use your pacts before, but you were willing to try anything right now. So you began chanting the spell:

“HEAR ME DENIZENS OF DARKNESS! You who are born of shadow, and you who give birth to it. Hear me and do as I command!”

You felt as the magical energy began to gather around you, making your hair stand on end. _It was working._

“I, MC, call upon you to send forth one of your number!

I summon the Avatar of Greed, MAMMON!”

The walls of your room began to shake, the windows rattled, when a bright flash of light filled the room. You brought your arm up to cover your eyes and hoped against hope that when you opened them again your demon would be there in front of you.

And he was.

Sitting on the ground, holding himself upright with his arms, was a very disoriented looking Mammon. His hair was a disheveled mess, his clothes looked like they hadn’t been changed in a couple days, and you could still see fresh tears falling down his cheeks.

“MAMMON!”

You rushed forward, without wasting another moment, and tackled him into the tightest hug you could manage. You buried your face into his neck, while you straddled his lap, crying in relief.

Mammon had no idea what to do. One moment he had been in his room, wishing he could see you, and the next he was in a strange place with someone who looked an awful lot like you hugging him and calling his name. But it couldn’t really be you, could it? Hesitantly, he sat up so he could bring his arms around you, fearful that when he touched you you would be gone. 

But you weren’t. Your body felt warm against his. He could hear your heartbeat. He could feel your tears, soaking through his shirt. As he tightened his arms around you, he realized he could even smell your favorite shampoo, and that was all it took to undo the last bit of self control he had. He pulled you as close as he could get you, one hand around your waist, the other around your torso, gripping your shoulder. 

And he cried. All the tears that he had been trying to fight off. All the ones he avoided having shed up until now. He cried them all. His throat burned and ached, and he was pretty sure he was getting snot all over you by now, but neither one of you cared. You simply clung to one another, determined to never let the other go.

After what seemed like hours, your tears had finally run dry, and your heart rate was slowly returning to normal. You could still feel the adrenaline in your veins, and figured that probably wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. 

You pulled back a little to try to get a look at Mammon, and when he kept trying to avoid your gaze, you took his face gently in your hands and turned him to look at you. Those beautiful sapphire eyes. They were still damp with tears, and you tenderly wiped them away as they fell while you looked at him. 

“I love you, Mammon,” was all you said before pressing a kiss to his lips. Soft, and comforting, and gentle. You wanted him to know how much he meant to you. You felt him try to pull you even closer by the waist, and smiled as you broke away to look at him again.

“I missed you, you know.”

“But...how…?” Mammon was starting to become aware of the fact that this was reality, and he was most definitely no longer in the Devildom.

“Solomon. Don’t worry. I didn’t tell him anything. Just that I wanted to see you,” you pressed a sweet kiss to the tip of his nose, causing him to smile.

“So all that about going to the bathroom…?”

“Oh ha. That was just me summoning you.”

Mammon pulled you closer, and you wrapped your arms around his neck once more. He really was here. You had him again. 

“Hey, why don’t we go take a bath?” you asked.

“A bath?”

“Yeah. I love you babe, but your hair kinda looks gross right now.”

“Oh,” he chuckled softly into your shoulder. He really couldn’t argue with that. It had been a few days since he had showered. Since he got out of bed even, besides quick trips to the bathroom.

“Come on,” you said, kissing him on the cheek before standing and helping him up, “Let’s get cleaned up and relax.”

Taking your hand, Mammon followed behind you as you led the way to the bathroom. This sort of thing would normally make him a flustered, blushing mess. But right now all he could think about was how amazing you were, and how good it would feel to hold you again. It had been so, so long since he had felt your skin against his. And he was desperate for your touch.

————

Reclining in the tub, Mammon leaned back against your chest, his eyes closed as he focused on the sensation of your hands just stroking his arms and shoulders. Occasionally he’d feel your lips on his neck, as you peppered him with kisses. It was the most relaxed he had been in months, and he was on the verge of falling asleep at any moment. 

Everything was just so peaceful. It was like all that anxiety, and loneliness, and fear from before had never happened. Like it was some sort of bad dream that he had finally managed to awaken from. He was now safe in your arms, right where he belonged. 

You watched as a soft smile spread across Mammon’s face, the sight of which made your heart warm. You were so incredibly thankful that you had made it in time. If things had taken longer...if Solomon hadn’t replied to his messages...you didn’t want to even think about that. It was too close for comfort for you. 

But now that he was here, you were determined to wash away all his worries. You knew it would take time of course, you knew that better than anyone, but at least you were together now and the stress of your separation wouldn’t be adding to his pain. Now you could just reach out and touch him when you needed some reassurance. And he could hold you close when he felt alone. 

You knew by the time morning rolled around, Lucifer would have noticed Mammon’s absence. You wondered how long it would actually take him to figure out he was with you. Once he did find out, you were sure you would be in for a long lecture, but you didn’t care. He could yell and threaten you all he wanted. It wouldn’t make a difference to you. You had Mammon with you again. And this time, you weren’t letting him go.


	2. Mammon’s PoV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mammon’s perspective on the events in Chapter 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After publishing the first chapter this morning, I felt like there was still more to the story that I needed to tell. Usually when I write, I alternate perspectives to try to give a good mix between the characters involved. But because of the format of the first chapter, I wasn’t able to do that.
> 
> So here’s Mammon’s story.

Mammon woke up to the sound of loud knocking on his door. He had been having a wonderful dream - one about you - and now was rudely thrust back into reality, leaving him more than a little annoyed. Knowing whoever it was wouldn’t go away until he answered, he rolled out of bed and opened the door.

“Whaddya want?” 

“Oh Mammon! You look awful,” Asmo said. Whatever he had planned on discussing had now completely slipped his mind at the sight of his brother’s disheveled appearance. Nothing of course could come close to Asmo’s own level of beauty, but Mammon did give him a run for his money some days, and today was definitely not one of those days.

“Is that it? Fuck off,” Mammon said, as he began to close his door again. He really didn’t feel like dealing with Asmo’s shit today. He was extremely tired, his body ached, and he just wanted to go back to sleep. At least you were there in his dreams.

“Wait! No! I came to ask if you wanted to go out tonight. We haven’t been to The Fall in awhile…”

“No.”

“Oh. Well I should have guessed seeing how you are dressed,” Asmodeus paused, carefully considering what he was about to say next, “You know, Lucifer is worried about you.”

Mammon laughed. He couldn’t help it. Lucifer? Concerned about him? Please. He was probably grateful he didn’t have to clean up after him like usual. Hard for the screwup brother to cause trouble when he hasn’t left his bed in days. 

“What? I’m serious. He hasn’t said it directly, but he keeps asking about you.”

“Then tell him I’m fine and just don’t feel like dealing with his shit right now,” and with that, Mammon slammed the door in Asmo’s face, cutting off his protests. 

Lucifer? Seriously? Did he honestly expect him to believe that? The same Lucifer that strung him up from the rafters when he stepped the least bit out of line? That Lucifer? Of course he wasn’t concerned about Mammon. There was no way he could be. His life must have gotten so much easier in the recent weeks, as Mammon withdrew even further into his shell. 

The only person he felt like talking to these days was you. He hated the fact that you had a job you had to spend your days at and he couldn’t just text you around the clock, because he honestly would have. Lucifer might have put restrictions on their abilities to place outgoing calls to you, but that didn’t stop him from texting, or from you calling him. 

Last night in particular he really wished he could have called you though. He had wanted to hear your voice so badly. In an attempt to keep his mind off things, Mammon had put a movie on that you and he watched together many times. But instead of distracting him, it just reminded him of how much he missed you. 

He hesitated to even text you then. He knew it was late where you were, and odds are you’d be asleep. But he figured the least he could do was try and see if you were awake. Maybe you’d be up reading or something and wouldn’t mind a quick call? 

When you told him you had been about to go to bed, he had instantly deflated. You needed your rest. You were a human after all. He couldn’t expect you to cater to him constantly. He was supposed to be a Demon Lord. Someone others could look up to. But here he was desperate for the attention of one puny human. And he couldn’t even manage to pull himself together long enough to watch a movie. All he was now was a burden.

At some point he had started crying, and he didn’t bother trying to stop. It didn’t matter anyways. There was no one to hear him. And even if they did, they wouldn’t care. Probably would just assume that he was watching some sappy movie. They wouldn’t knock or text him. No one would be coming in the door to check on him. 

If you were here though...he knew you would. And if you were here he wouldn’t have anything to cry about either. 

But you weren’t here. And now that Mammon was awake again he wasn’t feeling much better than he had been when he went to sleep. He let out a heavy sigh as he crawled back into bed, still fully dressed in his jeans and black shirt from...who knows when. He honestly didn’t. He had put them on at some point to answer his door, and then just never took them off again. Sometimes he’d think about showering, but even that seemed like too much effort when he’d just have to get dressed all over again. If he could even find clean clothes, that is. 

Looking at the clock on his DDD, Mammon finally became aware of what time it was. It was 7pm. Somehow he had managed to sleep for the entire day. Which he supposed made a lot of sense when he thought about the fact Asmo had just come to the door to ask him if he wanted to go out. 

Since he knew you would be home by now, Mammon decided to go ahead and text you.  
  


>>Mammon - I love you  
>>You - I love you too 😘

The corner of his mouth quirked up in a small smile. He really did miss you. He didn’t understand how someone he had only known for a year could have affected him so deeply. All his thousands of years that he existed before you seemed like nothing compared to the time you had spent together. He would have gladly given them up if it meant he could have you now.

>>You - why don’t you see what Asmo is doing? Maybe you could go to The Fall?  
>>Mammon - nah. Don’t really feel like it.

Ah, he should have known. Of course you sent his brother to check on him. As if Asmo would have thought to do that on his own. The thought simultaneously warmed his heart and crushed him. One would think that he would have known better by now than to expect his brothers to actually care for him. But here he was, disappointed to learn that once again, the only source of kindness in his life came from you.

You had become his light. His hope. Your voice. Your smile. That sparkle in your eye. He lived for it. How was he supposed to just go back to the way things were before when you had brought so much warmth into his life? Warmth he didn’t even know he needed until you had shown up. 

>>Mammon - everything is so boring with you gone.  
>>Mammon - nothing is as fun without you.   
>>You - I know what you mean. I wish you could be here.  
>>Mammon - that would be nice. I’d never leave.   
>>You - good. I wouldn’t want you to. 😘

If only he could go where you were. But there was no way that could happen. He had caused enough trouble up in the human world that he was no longer allowed to visit freely. A witch summoning him was the only way he’d get up there where you were. Mammon laughed at himself for having such a thought. Who would have known that one day he’d be eager to talk to a witch?

It was his fault though that he wasn’t able to travel as often as he wished. He had made a lot of mistakes in the centuries before he met you. Some were things that genuinely seemed like good ideas at the time. Others were things he did just because he knew it would be fun, consequences be damned. 

But once you became part of his life? He didn’t feel the need to go chasing those same thrills. Sure he still got into plenty of mischief with you at his side, but it wasn’t anything like before. The worst one could accuse the two of you of being were pranksters, honestly. Trying to see who would notice when something went missing. Attempting to locate secret passages into the Demon Lord’s Castle. Sneaking into Lucifer’s study to find his prized Demonus. 

And now that he was alone again, none of those things appealed to him anymore. He didn’t even feel like leaving his room most days. He had done pretty well when you first left. He bathed, got dressed, ate meals with his brothers, went to school. But after some point he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. It just all seemed so...pointless. 

Mammon’s DDD chimed again, and he checked to see what your latest message said.

>>You - so...about last night…  
>>Mammon - yeah?  
>>You - you were actually upset that I didn’t call, weren’t you?  
>>Mammon - ….

Oh. How could you know that? Did he do something that gave himself away? Had he been inadvertently making you feel guilty? He must have done something. There was no way you could have known otherwise. 

>>You - Levi told me. He said he heard you sniffling when he got up to get some snacks.  
>>Mammon - oh  
>>You - why didn’t you say anything?   
>>Mammon - I didn’t wanna manipulate you.  
>>You - manipulate me? Lol Mammon it’s just a phone call

You were right. He knew you were right. Logically he did at least. When you had been in the Devildom he never hesitated to intrude upon your personal space. And you seemed to love it too. Always smiling for him when he’d pop in, regardless of the flimsy explanation he would try to give. You always saw right through him, and welcomed him with open arms. And at some point he just stopped trying to pretend with you. There was no reason to. You accepted him and all that he was and you wanted him as deeply as he wanted you. 

Now that you were back in the human realm though, he felt like nothing more than a burden. A “waste of space” as his brothers were always so fond of saying. You always made him so happy when you’d talk with him, but he doubted that he did the same for you. You told him he did of course, but he couldn’t stop that voice in the back of his mind whispering to him that it was only because you didn’t know any better. That if he wasn’t there to burden you, you’d be happier and you wouldn’t realize that until he was actually gone. 

>>You - will you promise to tell me in the future? If you really need to talk? Let me decide if it’s too much for me to handle, ok?  
>>Mammon - ok

He couldn’t exactly say no to you. He knew it would only worry you if he did. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to manage it though. He would try, he’d always try for you, but he also knew in his heart that it was entirely possible a situation would come about that he just couldn’t bring himself to tell you, even if he wanted to. 

You were everything to him, and he only felt like he was taking things from you. Like some sort of demonic leech. An emotional vampire. Bleeding you dry. Never giving anything in return. Just him being his Greedy self, demanding every last drop of your attention and your love, trying the very limits of your patience and kindness. 

Why was he like that? Why was he always the one that screwed everything up? Couldn’t he at least get one thing right? He just wanted to make you happy. That’s all he wanted at this point. To make you smile. He would do anything for that smile. 

>>You - well I can’t wait to see you again.  
>>Mammon - me too.  
>>Mammon - I’m just so sick of all this.  
>>Mammon - I miss ya too much.  
>>Mammon - everything else is just...idk  
>>Mammon - I just want to hide in my room honestly and not have to deal with everyone else

  
Maybe he had been a little too honest there. No doubt that would make you worry. Dammit. There was no point in making you worry when it wouldn’t change anything. You’d still be there. He’d still be here. 

  
  


>>You - sorry if this sounds weird or dramatic  
>>You - it’s just hard to tell since I can’t see you right now  
>>You - and I’d rather be safe than sorry  
>>You - can you promise me something?  
>>Mammon - what?

Of course he’d promise you. Whatever it was. Anything he could do for you, he would. 

>>You - if you feel suicidal, will you please get help?   
>>You - go to someone. Anyone. Levi would probably be good. He’s always there you know?  
>>You - I just have this feeling  
>>You - and I can’t shake it  
>>You - so will you promise me?

Anything except that. That was the one thing he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he couldn’t promise. And how did you even know to ask? He didn’t think he had been obvious. He thought his messages seemed relatively normal. Not too dark, but not too happy either. Nothing suspicious. So how did you know?

Mammon thought for a minute about what he wanted to say. How was he going to explain himself to you? He needed to be honest, but only to a point. There was no reason to just come out and say that he frequently thought about how much better everyone’s lives would be without him there. It wouldn't change the fact he had already considered it multiple times this evening alone. It wasn’t like anything could be done about it. 

>>Mammon - I ummm  
>>Mammon - I don’t know if I can promise that  
>>Mammon - just the thought of it makes me feel sick  
>>Mammon - and like Lucifer would take me seriously   
>>Mammon - ha

Yeah, that sounded good. He’d just blame it on Lucifer. Nothing for you to argue about. Nothing to get you concerned. He wasn’t worth worrying about. He knew that. You deserved so much better than him. So much more than anything he could ever give you. 

Maybe...maybe now was as good a time as any. Better to just rip the bandaid off, right? Just get it over with. The sooner you didn’t have to worry about him anymore, the sooner you’d be able to move on with your life. Maybe you could really be happy then? Have a normal human life, free from the influence of demons. Free from him. 

As Mammon’s thoughts began to spiral, his DDD suddenly rang, interrupting his train of thought. It was you.

“Mammon?”

“Hey.”

“Hey babe. How are you feeling?”

“I dunno. Just tired.”

Mammon couldn’t help the warm feeling that spread throughout his chest. It didn’t occur to him to question why you called, because at some point that evening he had started crying, and hearing you now? It made it all stop, just for a moment. A brief, comforting moment, things didn’t hurt quite so much. 

But how long would that last? You’d have to hang up eventually. And then everything would be just like it was before you called. He’d be in the dark. Alone. 

“You know I’d miss you a lot if you were ever gone, right?”

“....yeah.”

“It’s true. I can’t wait to see you again.”

He didn’t really believe it though. He didn’t think you were lying - he knew you meant it. You thought it was true, at least. But he had his doubts. How much could anyone possibly miss him when he had so little to offer? His brothers wouldn’t. There wouldn’t be a scumbag around to steal from them. There wouldn’t be a screwup to cause trouble. Everyone would just be better off. Even you, even if you didn’t realize it yet. 

“Hey babe, I need to go for a bit so I can go to the bathroom. But I’ll call you right back ok?” 

“Ok.”

“I love you!”

“I love you too.”

That was it then. You said goodbye. He got to tell you he loved you. And he got to hear that you loved him. What more could he ask for, really? He should be thankful he had this much time with you at least. 

It was then that Mammon felt the familiar pull of a summons tugging at his mind. _Now? Of all times?_? He wasn’t in any shape to deal with whoever this was, witches more than likely he assumed. Fitting that they’d get to see The Great Mammon at his lowest at the end. 

Mammon closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, before the summons finally took him. 

————

Out of all the things he had expected to see when he had opened his eyes, you were definitely not among them. In fact, he was pretty sure he had been hallucinating at first. That it surely had to be some trick being used against him because there was no way it was physically possible to be with you right then. 

But it was you. It really was you. Your warmth. Your voice. Your scent. 

And now Mammon was currently snuggled up to you in bed, his head resting on your chest as you combed your fingers through his, now clean, hair. After reuniting with you in the most unlikely way possible, you had taken him to the bath and tenderly washed away all the sweat and tears, untangled his hair, and just...held him. At one point he had almost fallen asleep with how relaxed he had been. 

And now you continued pouring your love and affection into him, with every touch and every gentle kiss. It would cross his mind occasionally that he should perhaps push you away, that he didn’t deserve this. But then you’d look at him with such love in your eyes, and all his doubts just faded away. Even if he couldn’t possibly understand it, caring for him obviously made you happy. And he wasn’t about to take that smile from you.

**Author's Note:**

> If you’re struggling with your own thoughts, please reach out. You’re not alone, and there are people who can help.
> 
> https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/


End file.
